Self-Help Practice 2:
Change the Ways You Obsess
So now, let's go to self-help option #2,
which is changing the ways that you obsess. I'll teach you
three ways: Writing, singing,
and changing
images.
All adults experience irrational worries
from time to time. I want you to downgrade that obsession.
Consider it as a momentary, anxiety-provoking event. It's just a
little glitch. Do not support your obsession by
analyzing it. Do not support your obsession by trying
to figure out what it means, or worrying about whether or not you're
going to stop it. The goal here is not to be worry-free. It's not the
actual obsession that is such a problem here, it's your reaction
to the obsession. So hold a perspective that the content isn't
important, and it's not bad that you are obsessing. Free up your
attention so that you can begin to modify the ways you obsess.
First thing to do is
mentally step back and acknowledge that you've started obsessing.
Next: remind yourself
that it's OK to have a momentary obsession.
Number 3: don't start
worrying about what the obsession means. Remind yourself
that the obsessive content is not important. Do not get caught up in
analyzing.
Number 4: engage in
specific actions that will help you change your emotion about the
obsessions (I'll teach you three ways now). The goal is not to be
worry-free. The goal is to change your reaction to the obsessions.
You will have done a number of things
before you get to this step. You've mentally stepped back. You've
said, "it's OK." You've said you're not going to analyze why
you're worrying. And now you're going to do something to alter your
emotions about it.
What might you do to change your emotion
about an obsession? Here are three examples.
The first is to write it down.
Carry a pencil and a small pad with you throughout the day. When you
begin obsessing, write down your exact thoughts or a few phrases that
describe your images or impulses. If you continue obsessing, keep
writing. This doesn't mean a summary of what you said in your mind.
This means a verbatim transcript of exactly what you're thinking. Act
as though you are the stenographer in the courtroom.
Every single utterance goes on paper!
As soon as you finish writing down the
worry, if you think it again, you write it down again, even if it's
verbatim what you just wrote down. Don't write down the theme, write
down every single repetition of every single thing you think.
Now what's the benefit
here? When you obsess, you tend to repeat the same content again and
again, right? When you write out the obsessions, you recognize
how repetitive and senseless they are. This
perspective weakens the obsessions. After a while you will probably
experience the task of writing verbatim all the obsessive content as a
chore. This way it becomes more work to obsess than
to let it go. It's a lot harder to write over and over again,
"Oh, my God, I'm afraid I'm going to kill my son." It's easy
to say it in your head 400 times. But writing it 400 times ...it
loses it's power, it just doesn't work. It begins to make the
obsessions an arduous task.
And that's how the writing will begin to
help you. After a while you say, "OK, I'm obsessing. Now I'm
either going to start writing it, or I'm just going to let it go. I
can either go through all this effort, or I can just let it go."
Another way to begin changing your
emotional response to your obsession is to sing your worried
thoughts. You are to literally sing in your mind the words you
would usually say, like, "I think I've touched some germs.
They're going to make me sick. I might spread it around. And
everybody'll die."
That sounds pretty silly, doesn't it?
Here you are, suffering from terribly distressing symptoms, and I ask
you to hum a few bars. But that's the idea. The
process of singing your obsessions makes it difficult to
simultaneously stay distressed. Yes, it's stupid.
Yes, it sounds childish.
Do it anyway!!
And here's how to do it. Pick up
a short phrase that summarizes your obsession. Ignore its
meaning for a while. Continue to repeat the words, but do so within a
simple melody. Keep up this tune for a few minutes.
I don't expect that you will start
singing this little tune and instantly feel happy. In fact, it will
probably be hard to feel anything but anxiety when you start singing.
But stick with it. And while you're singing, work to become
detached from the content of your song. Remember,
that's our goal...
Whenever you feel less emotionally
involved with these thoughts, let go of the tune and the words. Turn
your attention elsewhere.
The techniques of writing the words down
or singing them can be used when the worry is in the form of words.
But what if the obsession is an image? In that case, you need to modify
that picture in some way, or to replace
it with another image. For example, if you imagine your boss
yelling at you, replace it with a picture of you and your boss having
a pleasant conversation. If you imagine yourself dying of cancer, see
yourself at 101 years old, smiling, rocking on your porch, surrounded
by your family. If you have just imagined yourself slapping your
child, picture yourself slowly, lovingly stroking the child's hair.
Or close your eyes and imagine your worry
having some physical form. Place it on a cloud right in front of you.
See the cloud begin to float away. Imagine that the farther away the
cloud floats, the smaller the obsession becomes and the more relaxed
and comfortable you feel.
Make sure that as you see these new
images, you also begin to shift from distressing feelings to
pleasant ones. Choose images that will make you feel
comfortable, relaxed, humored or pleasant, so that they can replace
your anxiety and worry.
Another useful approach is to replay
the obsessional image but change the
frightening parts of the image in some cartoon-like fashion.
For example, if you are intimidated by your boss's criticism, see her
about two feet tall and yourself next to her as your normal size. When
she attempts to yell at you, see bubbles coming out of her mouth
instead of words. In this same way, if you have frightening,
repetitive images of stabbing someone with a knife or scissors, you
can replay those images immediately after they occur. If a knife was
used in your image, change the knife into Styrofoam and make it three
feet long. If it was a pair of scissors, turn it into Silly Putty and
see it drooping in your hand.
* * *
Once you've made that shift away from
your intense anxiety, by singing the obsession, writing it down,
altering the imagery, or any other changes that you create for
yourself that would shift your emotion, then turn your
attention to other activities in your life. Don't
create a void after the shift, because the mind is going to go to
whatever next thought has the strongest emotion. So, if you've got a
bunch of nice, easy little thoughts and images, and then you have this
thought that's terrifying, your mind's going to go right back to what
is fearful. So turn your attention to some new activities.
It may take you a while before this
technique gives you benefits. Some obsessions feel so strong that you
won't be able to let go of them right away. Nonetheless, continue to
practice this approach as a way to get some perspective on your
irrational worries.
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