Self-Help Practice 7:
Directly Face the Situations You Avoid
The three structured practices we've just
discussed are based on a single principle: to overcome a fear,
you must approach the fear.
The fourth practice carries this same
principle to actual situations you typically avoid because of your
obsessions. Facing those situations directly for an extended period of
time will be the only way for you to overcome all of your fears. If
you avoid situations in order to feel safer, then you will need to
practice this option.
Find every
opportunity you can to face situations that cause you
discomfort. What activities do you avoid in order to keep
yourself or others safe? When do you hesitate to act, for fear that
you will make a mistake? What events or places do you steer away from
so that you won't begin to have distressing thoughts? These are the
times when you need to be alert, for these times give you the
opportunity to practice facing your fears. If you are a washer, go
ahead and touch those doorknobs or wear those clothes after they have
been "contaminated." If you are a checker, lock the doors of
your home without having someone else check them. If you are a
repeater, be willing to do things the "wrong" way. Orderers
can let someone else straighten up the house, and hoarders can let
someone else rearrange their "collections" or throw things
out.
Often when you are in distressing
situations your initial response will be to hesitate; you feel
uncertain about whether you can handle the task. In such moments
remind yourself of your long-term goals. You are not only
seeking to get rid of your obsessions; there are tasks you want to
accomplish, pleasures you want to enjoy, relationships you want to
pursue. Focus on these positive goals. Your obsessions stand in
the way of a meaningful, fulfilling future. Don't just fight against
your symptoms, fight for your life goals. Facing situations you have
been avoiding is a step toward a new future.
Remember that when you first face
distressing situations you will probably feel anxious. In fact, to
expect that you will feel anxious is probably a good plan.
You won't be surprised by your distress. Use the skills
I discussed to reduce your tension. Take a Calming
Breath or practice the Calming Counts, that you learned on the
breathing tape, and remind yourself that anxiety decreases over time.
Remember, you don't have to be alone in your struggle. Call a friend
or a relative and tell him or her what you are trying to accomplish.
Seek that person's understanding and support.
Once you have practiced
facing one of your feared situations, don't just wait quietly for your
worries to start again. Get busy! Focus your
attention away from your obsessions by being active. Take a long walk,
exercise, go to the movies, get involved with projects at work, or
talk to a friend on the phone.
When you want to change your obsessional
patterns, the single most important thing to remember is: Don't
fight your obsession. If you are having difficulty
making headway with these techniques, ask yourself, "Am I still struggling
to get rid of my obsessions?" If you are, stop! You already know
struggling doesn't work; that's what you've been doing prior to
picking up our book and listening to these tapes. The success of the
skills we've described here depends on your willingness to give up the
struggle. When you stop the struggle you will be able to notice a
significant difference. You actually can have control over your
symptoms.
Some of you will notice immediate
positive results from applying these skills. Others will progress
steadily for several weeks, reducing their worries by half... then
spend another two or three months working to gradually worry less and
less. So don't get discouraged. If you are moderately or highly
successful during the first weeks but find you're still obsessing
somewhat, continue practicing for several more weeks. You should
notice improvement over time, even if it's not apparent every week.
Don't give up. You must have faith.
If you practice daily for a few weeks and
do not experience at least moderate relief, seek help from a
mental-health professional who is familiar with OCD treatment. This
specialist can assist you in solving problems you might be having with
applying the self-help program and may be able to adapt these
techniques so that they work better for you.
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