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Change #6
"This is a test." to "This is practice."
As you begin taking action to face a
panicky situation, your attitude about the task will
be an important factor in your progress. I instruct my clients to
consider any activity they engage in as "practice."
I take a firm stand on this point. Never view a
future task as a "test" of your progress or
of your ability to overcome panic. Never look back at an attempted
task in order to label your efforts a failure. Never invest your sense
of self-worth in the positive or negative outcome of your plans.
It seems that people who are prone to
panic attacks turn many experiences into tests. When you decide to
enter a previously difficult situation, do you say, "This will be
a test of how well these new skills work"? As soon as you declare
it a test, your body is going to secrete adrenaline,
because you will be saying to yourself, "Uh oh, I'd better do
well," while you simultaneously imagine yourself failing. When
you say, "Uh oh," you secrete adrenaline
through your body, and you will feel anxious. The
more you set up future events as tests, the more you are going to feel
anxious.
People declare, "This is a
test" before events, and they declare, "I failed that
test" after events. I have watched clients improve steadily week
after week. Then, one week, they inevitably have a small setback in
their progress. From this one episode they become dejected, depressed
and demoralized. They are full of self-critical and hopeless thoughts.
It is not simply that they say, "I failed," but they then
say, ". . . and I shouldn't have," or ". . . and that
means I should quit trying," ". . . what's the point,"
". . . and that proves I'll never change."
When you decide that all your experiences
are practice, you are, in effect, saying that you are
both willing and able to learn from each of those
experiences. You might fail to meet a certain goal by a certain time,
but your intentions aren't a failure, and your efforts
aren't a failure. They are the successful ways that people learn: setting
goals and applying effort. No one knows everything about any
particular subject. Our greatest scientists continually create new
questions to ask about their field of expertise. These brilliant men
and women would be the first to defend the importance of maintaining
the open, curious, exploratory mind of a student.
When you test yourself during every
activity, you inhibit your learning. If you say to yourself,
"That action I took yesterday proves that I'm never going to make
it," you essentially have said, "Don't bother learning from
yesterday; it's too late for you." Of course, the truth of the
matter is that making mistakes and studying them are among our best
learning tools.
Since everyone who takes
on a challenge has setbacks, you can assume you will
too. When you hear your self-critical or hopeless comments rise up,
let them go. They will only distract you from learning.
It's true that if you set a goal of
remaining at a party until 11 PM, but your discomfort caused you to
leave at 9:30, then you failed to meet your goal. That is like
throwing a dart at the bull's eye from 15 feet and missing it by three
rings. Let that experience be feedback to you as you take corrective
action. What can you adjust for your next throw? Can you take aim at a
different spot on the target? Give the dart more arc on the throw?
Concentrate on your follow-through? Step closer to the target?
As you approach events, concentrate on
what you can do to improve your outcome. Experiencing some worry and
anxiety about the outcome is understandable. Just don't let it consume
your creative thinking. There are two important focal points for your
attention when you leave a scene without meeting your goal. The first
is, "What can I learn from my experience in that
situation that I can apply next time?" The second is, "How
can I take care of myself now that I am leaving this
difficult situation?" Practice the skill of supporting yourself
in the face of a disappointment. If your goal is improving your
performance next time, how do you want to treat yourself after your
difficulty this time? Stop being critical of yourself and begin
developing a supportive voice within you.
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